Reframing False Choices To Build Success
The reframing questions that turn either/or dilemmas into integration opportunities
The day I thought I was having a heart attack was when I realized law school had taught me to measure all the wrong things when it comes to success.
It was 2017. I'd wrapped my first multi-day trial with a significant settlement mid-trial earlier in the year.
By all external factors, I should have been celebrating.
Inside though, I was in a really deep funk.
I had bought into an idea engrained in law school that success in law requires meaningful sacrifice early on.
I took this to mean that my family needs should be taking a back seat to my career.
As a result, I created habits and routines that prioritized the needs of my clients over that of my family and loved ones; a system that five years later left me incapable of maintaining a healthy work/life balance.
A system that culminated in me thinking that I was having a heart attack at my desk in 2017.
Turns out it was a panic attack.
But that panic attack helped me realize what law school taught me about success was completely artificial.
No one forced me to choose between "present father" and "successful lawyer".
This was a decision I made because I did not know there were other options available.
This insight was the reason why I committed to measure success differently - a commitment reflected in me starting my own practice.
Today, I don't make a choice between a present father or a successful professional. I optimize my practice around a "practice satisfaction metric" - decisions that honor my professional ambitions and my personal priorities.
Instead of tracking billable hours, I track family dinners.
Instead of celebrating late nights, I celebrate efficient systems that allow me to sleep in.
Instead of pride in being "always available," I take pride in being strategically unavailable.
I do this by designing a practice that serves my life instead of consuming it.
I delegate to people or technology whenever possible
I build systems that standardize processes
I make decisions based on the priorities I set for my life.
I wish I learned early in my career that being forced to choose between things you value may be a sign that the wrong question is being asked entirely.
Today, when confronted with a dilemma, I reframe the question:
Instead of "How do I balance work and family?" →"How do I build work that strengthens my family?"
Instead of "Should I prioritize clients or personal time?" → "How do I serve clients in ways that create more personal time?"
Instead of "How do I find time for networking?" → "How do I build relationships through the work I'm already doing?"
Instead of "Do I work late to finish this or spend time with family?" → "How do I design my workday so family time doesn't compete with quality work?"
In short, stop asking which choice to choose.
Start asking how to design systems where your priorities support each other instead of competing.